爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)

　　笑話(huà)是指能引人發(fā)笑的話(huà)或事件，具有諷刺性與娛樂(lè )性。下面是具體爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，供參考！

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 1

　　who was the first man? 誰(shuí)是世界上第一個(gè)男人

　　a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”

　　一個(gè)老師問(wèn)她的學(xué)生：“誰(shuí)是世界上第一個(gè)男人”

　　“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.

　　一個(gè)小男孩立刻大聲說(shuō)：“喬治.華盛頓�！�

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　老師帶著(zhù)寵溺的笑容問(wèn)這個(gè)男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個(gè)男人呢�！�

　　“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　這個(gè)男孩子說(shuō)：“因為，他是第一個(gè)挑起戰爭，第一個(gè)主張和平，并且是第一個(gè)深得民心的人�！�

　　but at this point a larger boy held up his hand. “well,” said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

　　這時(shí)，有一個(gè)年齡稍大的'男孩子舉起手來(lái)，老師問(wèn)他，“你認為誰(shuí)是世界第一個(gè)男人?”

　　“i don’t know what his name was, ” said the larger boy, “but i know it wasn’t george washington, ma’am, because the history book says george washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

　　男孩回答說(shuō)：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因為歷史書(shū)上說(shuō)，喬治華盛頓和一個(gè)寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個(gè)男的啦�！�

　　drunk 醉酒

　　one day, a father and his little son were going home. at this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. now, he asked, "whats the meaning of the word drunk, dad?" "well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk."

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著(zhù)兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了�！�

　　"but, dad," the boy said, " theres only one policeman!"

　　“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

　　Two Birds 兩只鳥(niǎo)

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　老師： 這兒有兩只鳥(niǎo)，一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　老師：請說(shuō)說(shuō)看。

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 2

　　quick cleanup 快速清掃

　　unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. it read "thank you for not looking in the bathtub."

　　不速之客就在路上，我媽媽?zhuān)�一個(gè)完美的家庭主婦，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務(wù)是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會(huì )兒之后，當她去檢查的時(shí)候，她吃驚了，曾經(jīng)一度雜亂的`房間瞬間就被打掃干凈了。接著(zhù)她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫(xiě)著(zhù)：“謝謝你沒(méi)往浴缸里看�！�

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 3

　　Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, Im the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

　　"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him whats wrong and he answered, "Whats wrong? I work for 7up"!

　　四個(gè)好朋友在醫院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護士過(guò)來(lái)對第一個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說(shuō):"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的`經(jīng)理."過(guò)了一會(huì )兒,護士過(guò)來(lái)對第二個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護士跑來(lái)對第三個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開(kāi)心地說(shuō):"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個(gè)都很高興,但第四個(gè)伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問(wèn)他有什么不對勁,他回答道:"什么不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 4

　　As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, thats him," came the reply. The stranger couldnt help but be amused. "That certainly doesnt look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走進(jìn)一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門(mén)上帖著(zhù)的'一個(gè)告示牌上寫(xiě)著(zhù)，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進(jìn)去后，他看到一條樣子一點(diǎn)都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺(jué)。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問(wèn)店主�！笆�，就是他”，店主回答。 聽(tīng)到這個(gè)回答， 陌生人覺(jué)得很好笑�！拔矣X(jué)得那條狗一點(diǎn)都不可怕。 你帖那個(gè)告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說(shuō)，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒�！�

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 5

　　Dumas仲馬

　　One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to knowmygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”

　　有一天，一個(gè)人在嘲弄法國大小說(shuō)家亞歷山大·仲馬，譏笑他的祖先。 那家伙厲聲說(shuō)：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血兒，你父親是黑白混血兒，而你的祖父是個(gè)黑人�！� “是的，”仲馬大聲回敬：“還有呢，如果你想知道的話(huà)， 我的'曾祖父是一只猴子。其實(shí)我的血統起始于你的血統終止的地方�！�

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 6

　　1. why are people tired on april fools day? (愚人節人們?yōu)槭裁雌＞?)

　　答：because they have just had a long march. ( 因為他們剛過(guò)了長(cháng)長(cháng)的`三月。march 三月;行軍)

　　2.what weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天氣?)

　　答：when its raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )

　　3.when do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么時(shí)候不愿跟隨主人?)

　　答：when their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市場(chǎng)時(shí)。flea 跳蚤 flea market 舊貨市場(chǎng) )

　　4.what question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪個(gè)問(wèn)題永遠不能回答“是的”?)

　　答：are you asleep? (你睡著(zhù)了嗎)

　　5.what tree is always very sad? (那種樹(shù)總是很傷心?)

　　答：weeping willow. ( 垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳樹(shù))

　　6.when can you get water with a net? (什么時(shí)候可以用網(wǎng)兜裝水?) 答：when water is turned into ice. (當水結成冰時(shí))

　　7.why is the pig always eating?豬為什么沒(méi)完沒(méi)了地吃?

　　答：hes making a hog of himself.它想成為一只肉豬。

　　8.whats the longest word in the world?世界上最長(cháng)的單詞是什么? 答：smiles. because theres a mile between the letter s.微笑。因為兩個(gè)字母s中間隔了一里。

　　9.what question is that to which you must always answer "yes"? 什么問(wèn)題你只能回答“yes”?

　　答："what does y-e-s spell?" (當別人問(wèn)你)“yes”怎么拼?

　　10.where were you when the power was cut off? 當停電的時(shí)候你在哪? 答：in the darkness. 在黑暗中

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 7

　　史密斯是一家建設公司的經(jīng)理，他正負責一個(gè)新工程的招標案。第一位投標的是一家波蘭公司，他們的代表出價(jià)四十萬(wàn)元接那個(gè)案子�！八坪鹾芎侠�，”史密斯說(shuō)�！澳憧刹豢梢越o我一張明細表呢?”

　　"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "

　　“當然沒(méi)問(wèn)題，”波蘭公司代表說(shuō)道，“二十萬(wàn)元工資，二十萬(wàn)元材科費�！�

　　下一個(gè)出標的是美國標準建設公司，他們以八十萬(wàn)元競標。

　　"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "Whats the breakdown?" “嗯，這個(gè)價(jià)錢(qián)似乎有些偏高，”史密斯說(shuō)道。"你們有明細表嗎?" " $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. " “四十萬(wàn)元材料，四十萬(wàn)元工資�！�

　　"Ill get back to you. "

　　Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smiths office. " $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent." 最后可翰高斯坦雷伯威茲公司的代表走進(jìn)史密斯辦公室�！耙话俣�十萬(wàn)元是我們競標的價(jià)碼，”代表說(shuō)道。

　　$11 200, 0001 That s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown onthat?" “一百二十萬(wàn)元這個(gè)標高得太過(guò)分了，”史密斯叫道“你可以給我一張明細表嗎?" "No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and

　　$ 400，000 for thePolacks.

　　“沒(méi)有問(wèn)題，”代表回答道�！八氖�萬(wàn)元給我，四十萬(wàn)元給你，最后四十萬(wàn)元則給那家波蘭佬開(kāi)的`公司�！�

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 8

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "Im going to have to use this drive-up all the time. Its so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車(chē)沿著(zhù)我們銀行的驅車(chē)直達窗口開(kāi)過(guò)來(lái)，可她并不滿(mǎn)意于她停的位置。因此她倒車(chē)，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿(mǎn)意，倒車(chē)，再來(lái)。五次努力后，終于她把車(chē)停下來(lái)，搖下車(chē)窗。我簡(jiǎn)單地問(wèn)候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說(shuō)，“以后我都要使用這種驅車(chē)直達窗口。真是如此的方便�！�

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

　　三個(gè)互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀(guān)者等著(zhù)瞧好戲。

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!

　　右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書(shū)：大減價(jià)！特便宜！

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!

　　左邊的.商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱(chēng)：大砍價(jià)!大折扣!

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.

　　中間的商人隨后準備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫(xiě)著(zhù)：入口處。

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 9

　　1.I Wasnt Asleep

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasnt asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我沒(méi)有睡著(zhù)

　　當一群婦女上車(chē)之后，車(chē)上的座位全都被占滿(mǎn)了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著(zhù)了，他擔心這個(gè)人會(huì )坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒！”

　　“我沒(méi)有睡著(zhù)�！蹦莻�(gè)男人回答。

　　“沒(méi)睡著(zhù)？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車(chē)上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�

　　2.The poor husband

　　"You cant imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　可憐的丈夫

　　“你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的�！盬here is the father?

　　3.Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒？

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀！”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”

　　哥哥想了會(huì )兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄�！�

　　4.Does the dog know the proverb, too?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"Its all right," said a gentleman, "dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎？

　　一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人�！�”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”

　　5.一 Can we have our teacher back？

　　Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"

　　能讓我們的老師回去嗎？

　　有一次，一位督學(xué)去視察一個(gè)只有三間教室的學(xué)校。一間教室非常吵鬧，因此督學(xué)抓住其中一個(gè)正在站著(zhù)說(shuō)話(huà)的人，把他帶進(jìn)另一間教室，并讓他站在墻角。五分鐘以后，一個(gè)小男孩從第一間教室走進(jìn)來(lái)，問(wèn)道，“您什么時(shí)候能讓我們的'老師回去呢？”

　　6. Whos More Polite?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　誰(shuí)更有禮貌？

　　一個(gè)胖子和一個(gè)瘦子在爭論誰(shuí)更有禮貌。瘦子說(shuō)他更有禮貌，因為他經(jīng)常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風(fēng)度，因為無(wú)論什么時(shí)候他在車(chē)上給別人讓座時(shí)，總有兩位女士能坐下。

　　7. Expensive Price

　　Dentist: Im sorry, madam, but Ill have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your sons tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　昂貴的代價(jià)

　　牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？

　　牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 10

　　An engineer, a physicist1, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"

　　The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

　　The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation2 with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."

　　The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"

　　爆笑的經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 11

　　Maxine, the platinum blonde, reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes/No answers. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet" Yes" for heads and "No" for tails. Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period，Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again.

　　麥西尼有一頭銀白色秀發(fā)，正在參加期末考試，試卷上的題目只有“對”和“不對”兩種答案。她在考場(chǎng)里坐了下來(lái)開(kāi)始答卷，這時(shí)她靈機一動(dòng)，從錢(qián)包里拿出了一枚兩角五分的硬幣，往上拋硬幣，出現正面就填“對”，反面就填“不對”。只用了30分鐘的時(shí)間，她就做完了，而此時(shí)別的`同學(xué)還在冥思苦想。但離考試完畢還有最后幾分鐘時(shí)，麥西尼又開(kāi)始瘋狂地拋硬幣。

　　The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok.

　　監考官對她的所作所為很好奇，便走到她的桌旁，問(wèn)她是否有問(wèn)題。

　　"Oh yes, I m fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago一but,”explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I m going back through and checking my answers!”

　　“我還好，半小時(shí)前我就答完了，現在我想從后往前的再檢查一遍�！彼�這樣解釋拋硬幣的原因。

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