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爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà)（精選13個(gè)）
你知道學(xué)些笑話(huà)的好處么?當第一次見(jiàn)面的時(shí)候，總是有不知道該說(shuō)什么的尷尬，這時(shí)候你就需要一些笑話(huà)，來(lái)緩解一下氣氛呢，這里小編為你收集整理了爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà)，希望能對你有所幫助哈!
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 1
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining(毗連的) shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem(故意的傷害罪，蓄意的破壞) to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
中間戰術(shù)
三個(gè)互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪，旁觀(guān)者等著(zhù)瞧好戲。
右邊的'零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書(shū)：大減價(jià)!特便宜!
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱(chēng)：大砍價(jià)!大折扣!
中間的商人隨后準備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫(xiě)著(zhù)：入口處。
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 2
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that Id passed todays exam.""Dont trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope Ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽?zhuān)易蛱焱砩献隽艘粋�(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的`考試�！薄安灰嘈艍�(mèng)，親愛(ài)的。據說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現實(shí)相反�！眿寢尨鸬��！澳敲�，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格�！睖氛f(shuō)。
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 3
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏(yíng)了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎?
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒?
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰(shuí)能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏(yíng)了。
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 4
跟媽媽一模一樣的女朋友
No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice."Find a girl just like your mother -- then, shes bound to like her."
So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser:"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like mother, And just as you said, mother liked her".
"So," asked the friend, "what happened?""Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".
有個(gè)小伙子發(fā)現，無(wú)論他帶什么女孩子回家，媽媽都不贊成。一位朋友建議他，“你找一個(gè)像你母親一樣的女孩吧——你母親肯定會(huì )喜歡她的”。這個(gè)小伙子就找啊找啊，終于找到了一個(gè)女孩。他告訴自己的朋友：“就像你說(shuō)的，我找到了一個(gè)女孩，無(wú)論在感覺(jué)、說(shuō)話(huà)、打扮，甚至烹飪手藝都很像母親的，而且真的像你說(shuō)的.那樣，媽媽很喜歡她�！薄澳敲�，”他的朋友問(wèn)到，“發(fā)生了什么事?”“沒(méi)事，”小伙子說(shuō)，我父親很討厭她!”
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 5
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來(lái)的.
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來(lái)不久,到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元.在銀行柜臺,銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票,看是否有假.
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩,最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我,先生,也請你相信這些鈔票.這都是真正的美元,它們是從美國直接帶來(lái)的”
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 6
a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親，“爸爸，要花多少錢(qián)才能結婚呢?”
and the father replied, "i dont know, son, im still paying."
“我也不知道，我現在還在交錢(qián)�！备赣H回答。
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 7
To Buy a Video 買(mǎi)錄像機
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.
Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!
艾莫斯問(wèn)媽媽他們是否能買(mǎi)一臺錄像機。
恐怕我們還買(mǎi)不起，媽媽嘆息著(zhù)說(shuō)。
可第二天當艾莫斯回來(lái)時(shí)，他搖搖晃晃地搬著(zhù)一臺全新的錄像機。
你究竟是哪兒來(lái)的錢(qián)買(mǎi)這東西?媽媽大吃一驚，喘著(zhù)氣說(shuō)。
媽媽?zhuān)@簡(jiǎn)單， 艾曼斯回答。我把電視機給賣(mài)了!
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 8
a mistake
an amercian, a scot and a canadian were killed in a car accident. they arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered st. peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "give me $500 each," he said, "and ill return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"done!" said the american. instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"where are the others?" asked a medic.
"last i knew," said the american, "the scot was huggling price, and the canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場(chǎng)車(chē)禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的`門(mén)口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解釋說(shuō)是搞錯了�！懊咳私o我五百美元，”他說(shuō)，“我將把你們送回人間，就象什么都沒(méi)有發(fā)生過(guò)一樣�！�
“成交!”美國人說(shuō)。立刻，他發(fā)現自己毫不損傷地站在現場(chǎng)附近。
“其他人在哪兒?”一名醫生問(wèn)道。
“我離開(kāi)之前，”那名美國人說(shuō)，“我看見(jiàn)英格蘭人正在砍價(jià)，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說(shuō)應該由他的政府來(lái)出這筆錢(qián)�！�
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 9
good news and bad news
"theres good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"i could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "whats it?"
"your wife isnt demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"and the bad news?"
"after the divorce, shes marrying your father."
好消息和壞消息
“有好消息，也有壞消息，”離婚律師告訴他的當事人。
“我總能利用一些好消息吧，”當事人吧了口氣說(shuō)，“是什么好消息?”
“你妻子沒(méi)有要求將你未來(lái)的繼承財產(chǎn)也劃入裁決的'范圍�！�
“那么壞消息呢?”
“離婚以后，她將與你父親結婚�！�
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 10
erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "Ive got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Im going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and Ill cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." Ill sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didnt you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Aint nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病醫生�！搬t生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì )治好你�！薄百M用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元�！薄拔視�(huì )認真考慮的'�！苯苋鸫鸬�。六個(gè)月后醫生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫生問(wèn)�！耙淮我话賶K錢(qián)嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢(qián)就把我治好了�！薄罢娴�?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F在那沒(méi)人了!”
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 11
Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea cant have monkeys.
猴子會(huì )和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會(huì )直接的想到它們倆是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長(cháng)跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.這個(gè)答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定會(huì )生氣的;而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼,他會(huì )更生氣.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“雞眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail(蝸牛)的后背上總是背著(zhù)一所房子,所以說(shuō)蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的你說(shuō)呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個(gè)短語(yǔ),你可千萬(wàn)別以為是在鐘表廠(chǎng)工作的.人整天都做鬼臉呀!因為除了這個(gè)意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢(mèng)游者(sleepwalker)夢(mèng)游(walk in his sleep)呢?最簡(jiǎn)單的方法就是不讓他睡覺(jué).雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢(mèng)游者醒著(zhù)呢,他的確就不會(huì )去夢(mèng)游了.
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 12
A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外國游客到美國大西部游覽，碰到一個(gè)印第安人把耳朵緊貼在地上。
"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在聽(tīng)什么呢?"他詢(xún)問(wèn)道。
“為了向你表示謝意，我送你一只龍蝦�！闭f(shuō)著(zhù)他便給老板一只活蹦亂跳的大龍蝦。
"Well, thats very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我將以它當晚餐�！�
"Oh, hes already had dinner. But I am sure hed love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已經(jīng)吃過(guò)晚餐了，但我想它會(huì )喜歡看場(chǎng)電影�！�
爆笑英語(yǔ)短篇笑話(huà) 13
史密斯是一家建設公司的經(jīng)理，他正負責一個(gè)新工程的招標案。第一位投標的是一家波蘭公司，他們的代表出價(jià)四十萬(wàn)元接那個(gè)案子�！八坪鹾芎侠�，”史密斯說(shuō)�！澳憧刹豢梢越o我一張明細表呢?”
"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "
“當然沒(méi)問(wèn)題，”波蘭公司代表說(shuō)道，“二十萬(wàn)元工資，二十萬(wàn)元材科費�！�
下一個(gè)出標的.是美國標準建設公司，他們以八十萬(wàn)元競標。
"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "Whats the breakdown?" “嗯，這個(gè)價(jià)錢(qián)似乎有些偏高，”史密斯說(shuō)道。"你們有明細表嗎?" " $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. " “四十萬(wàn)元材料，四十萬(wàn)元工資�！�
"Ill get back to you. "
Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smiths office. " $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent." 最后可翰高斯坦雷伯威茲公司的代表走進(jìn)史密斯辦公室�！耙话俣f(wàn)元是我們競標的價(jià)碼，”代表說(shuō)道。
$11 200, 0001 That s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown onthat?" “一百二十萬(wàn)元這個(gè)標高得太過(guò)分了，”史密斯叫道“你可以給我一張明細表嗎?" "No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and
$ 400，000 for thePolacks.
“沒(méi)有問(wèn)題，”代表回答道�！八氖f(wàn)元給我，四十萬(wàn)元給你，最后四十萬(wàn)元則給那家波蘭佬開(kāi)的公司�！�
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