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9分雅思大作文深度講解
In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
構思過(guò)程:
獨居,也就是一個(gè)人生活,顯然有利有弊,如果選擇一邊倒觀(guān)點(diǎn)顯然都站不住腳,很難論證,需要分開(kāi)討論平均用力。主體段一段寫(xiě)好處,一段寫(xiě)壞處。抽象類(lèi)話(huà)題往往在尋找觀(guān)點(diǎn)上比較困難或者沒(méi)有方向,建議大家按照文波雅思教授的方法分類(lèi)提取觀(guān)點(diǎn)。本篇考官分別從個(gè)人和經(jīng)濟的角度出發(fā),層次分明論證清晰,值得大家學(xué)習。
Introduction
1)背景導入,說(shuō)尤其在發(fā)達國家的大城市,最近幾年獨居變得更為常見(jiàn)。
In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone,particularly in large cities in the developed world.
(句型結構:It + adj. + for sb. to do sth. + 后置狀語(yǔ)補充,注意完成時(shí)has become;注意particularly的用法,舉特例方便直接,類(lèi)似especially但語(yǔ)氣更強; in the developed world比in developed countries更地道;far more修飾normal代入感強)
2)觀(guān)點(diǎn)句,我認為這個(gè)趨勢的影響好壞各半。
In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.
(句型結構:簡(jiǎn)單句+后置狀語(yǔ);虛擬語(yǔ)氣could have;consequences高分詞;in equal measure高分搭配)
Main Paragraphs 1
1)段首概括,一個(gè)人住在個(gè)人和宏觀(guān)經(jīng)濟上都有好處。
The rise in one-person households can be seen as positive for both personal and broader economic reasons.
(句型結構:被動(dòng)+后置狀語(yǔ)并列;主語(yǔ)the rise in one-person households替換more people choose to live alone,地道高分搭配準確;seen as語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn);personal & broader economic詞匯得分點(diǎn))
2)分論點(diǎn)1:個(gè)人層面上,獨居的人可能變得比和家人一起住的人更獨立自強(常見(jiàn)觀(guān)點(diǎn))
On an individual level, people who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members.
(句型結構:前置狀語(yǔ)+主語(yǔ)who從句+謂語(yǔ)比較級+賓語(yǔ)who從句,高分復合句;self-reliant高分詞,展示詞匯量)
3)舉例論證+線(xiàn)性推理展開(kāi):獨居年輕人需要學(xué)做飯,做家務(wù),付賬單,管賬等重要的生活技能;這樣的人增加了就是種正面的發(fā)展
A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills; an increase in the number of such individuals can certainly be seen as a positive development.
(句型結構:主語(yǔ)從句+插入語(yǔ)+不定式并列+賓語(yǔ)all of which從句;簡(jiǎn)單分句+被動(dòng);valuable得分詞;an increase語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn);such individuals指代準確,語(yǔ)法和詞匯得分點(diǎn))
4)分論點(diǎn)2:經(jīng)濟角度上看,獨居的趨勢會(huì )導致住房需求增加(加分觀(guān)點(diǎn))
From an economic perspective, the trend towards living alone will result ingreater demand for housing.
(句型結構:前置狀語(yǔ)+后置定語(yǔ)+簡(jiǎn)單句;trend towards living搭配準確,詞匯和語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn);result in學(xué)術(shù)搭配,詞匯得分點(diǎn);demand for housing詞匯得分點(diǎn))
5) 舉例說(shuō)明展開(kāi):這樣會(huì )讓建筑公司,房產(chǎn)中介和其它依賴(lài)業(yè)主購買(mǎi)產(chǎn)品的公司獲益。
This is likely to benefit the construction industry, estate agents and a whole host of other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products or services.
(句型結構:簡(jiǎn)單句+賓語(yǔ)并列+賓語(yǔ)that從句;likely to benefit學(xué)術(shù)搭配,詞匯得分點(diǎn);construction industry & estate agents展示詞匯量;rely on homeowners詞匯得分點(diǎn))
Main Paragraph 2
1)段首概括:上述個(gè)人和經(jīng)濟的論點(diǎn)可以反向考慮;(簡(jiǎn)介易懂,掛鉤前文暗含對比,CC滿(mǎn)分技巧)
However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle.
(句型結構:轉折+簡(jiǎn)單句被動(dòng);given above非謂語(yǔ)修飾,語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn);be considered from學(xué)術(shù)搭配,詞匯語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn);the opposite angle詞匯得分點(diǎn))
2)分論點(diǎn)1:和獨立的好處相比,獨居的人會(huì )感覺(jué)孤獨、隔離和不安(常見(jiàn)觀(guān)點(diǎn))
Firstly, rather than the positive feeling of increased independence, people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry.
(句型結構:前置狀語(yǔ)+主語(yǔ)從句+賓語(yǔ)并列;rather than無(wú)痕跡對比,語(yǔ)法和CC得分點(diǎn);loneliness & isolation高分詞)
3)舉例對比+論證展開(kāi):他們錯過(guò)了家人或室友提供的對話(huà)和支持,還要承擔過(guò)重的家庭賬單和職責;這樣來(lái)說(shuō),這個(gè)趨勢就是負面的
They miss out on the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one.
(句型結構:簡(jiǎn)單句并列+賓語(yǔ)從句+簡(jiǎn)單分句;miss out on地道搭配;emotional support, daily conversation & flatmates詞匯加分點(diǎn);bear the weight of高分搭配,詞匯得分點(diǎn);a negative one指代準確避免重復,語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn))
4)分論點(diǎn)2:從經(jīng)濟角度來(lái)說(shuō),住房需求增加會(huì )推高房?jì)r(jià)和租金(加分觀(guān)點(diǎn))
Secondly, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents.
(句式結構:前置狀語(yǔ)+簡(jiǎn)單句;the financial point of view替換an economic perspective;likely to push up學(xué)術(shù)搭配;property prices & rents詞匯得分點(diǎn))
5)對比論證+說(shuō)明展開(kāi):雖然讓企業(yè)獲益,但大眾包括獨居的人都要面臨更高的居住成本
While this may benefit some businesses, the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.
(句式結構:讓步句+插入語(yǔ)補充+被動(dòng);be faced with地道搭配;rising living costs詞匯得分點(diǎn))
Conclusion
1)一句話(huà)總結:獨居增加對個(gè)人和經(jīng)濟影響有好有壞
In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.
(句式結構:總結+簡(jiǎn)單句+賓補;detrimental不利的,高分詞,beneficial & detrimental替換positive & negative;兩個(gè)on介詞短語(yǔ)并列,語(yǔ)法得分點(diǎn))
評分
TR: 兩面觀(guān)點(diǎn)完整回答問(wèn)題,分論點(diǎn)詳實(shí)有深度,首尾段觀(guān)點(diǎn)總結到位,9分
CC: 全篇結構清晰,整齊,行文連接通順,易于理解,沒(méi)有明顯模板痕跡,9分
LR: 詞匯非常多樣,同義替換到位,搭配地道準確,9分
GA: 句型多變,復合句實(shí)用靈活,沒(méi)有語(yǔ)法錯誤,9分
(13 sentences, 306 words, band 9)
經(jīng)典的4段13句模板,大家可以模仿哦,注意,這里所謂的模板,是指他所熟悉和擅長(cháng)的一種行文結構,而并非具體的模板句型。祝早日與雅思分手。
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