我發(fā)現我長(cháng)大了的作文450字
bicycle作者的思路是清晰的，但表達不明確，會(huì )造成結構混亂的感覺(jué)，因此在雅思寫(xiě)作中應采用Why cycle模式。下面分別列舉范文說(shuō)明中式思維與英式思維的不同之處。
中式思維范文--bicycle（摘自網(wǎng)上雅思考生的習作）
Bicycles have become more and more popular in China. People ride bikes to their work places, to shopping areas, to schools, and so on. During the rush hours, you can often see a boiling sea of bicycles running in all directions. With the largest number of bike riders in the world, China is often referred to as the kingdom of bicycles.（主題句不明顯，不知道作者想要說(shuō)什么：自行車(chē)越來(lái)越流行，要討論流行趨勢？自行車(chē)那么多，要討論自行車(chē)對城市的影響？中國是自行車(chē)王國，要討論中國的自行車(chē)歷史？）
Compared with cars, bikes have many advantages（這應該是主題句，在這么短的文章里應該放在第一段）. First, they are not very expensive, and almost every family can afford them. （這句話(huà)分成2個(gè)句子比較好，一句是key point,一句做進(jìn)一步解釋?zhuān)㏒econd, they are very handy and convenient though they are not so fast as cars. With a bike, you can go anywhere you like, and you dont have to look for a large parking place. By riding bikes, you can avoid traffic jams and thus save the time and the money for taking taxis（同第一點(diǎn)一樣，但這一點(diǎn)思路有些亂）. Third, they do not cause air or sound pollution（?? Riding bikes does good to your health if you ride it regularly（這應該是文章要論述的第四點(diǎn)，但沒(méi)有連接詞，又分了段，打亂了文章的整體結構）. In modern times, people are usually too busy to spare any time for physical exercise. Riding a bike to your work place regularly serves as a good way to keep yourself strong and healthy. （? 2個(gè)句子的順序換一下比較好。因為前面已經(jīng)說(shuō)了有益于健康，讀者等著(zhù)聽(tīng)解釋?zhuān)髡邊s換了話(huà)題。第一句話(huà)應該是第二句話(huà)的原因。）
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