英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)（通用11則）
英語(yǔ)入門(mén)學(xué)習應該從最基本的單詞開(kāi)始 ，將單詞的發(fā)音一定要弄準英語(yǔ)入門(mén)學(xué)習，簡(jiǎn)而言之就是學(xué)習英語(yǔ)的最初級，最基礎的階段，以下是小編整理的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，歡迎閱讀。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 1
不必再看眼科醫生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己經(jīng)很多年沒(méi)做眼睛檢查了。我妻子總是催我去掛個(gè)號。她越是督我，我越是耽擱不去。最后，她替我掛了個(gè)號。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去見(jiàn)醫生的前一天，我的情緒特別好。我對妻于又是親又是抱，還說(shuō)她是我眼里最漂亮的'女人.
"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."
她說(shuō):“這回眼睛沒(méi)問(wèn)題了，那我現在就去把號退了�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 2
Reason of Punishment 懲罰的原因
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didnt do.
The mother exclaimed, But thats terrible! Im going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didnt do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩從學(xué)�；氐郊依�，對媽媽說(shuō)：媽媽?zhuān)裉煸趯W(xué)校里我因為一件我沒(méi)有做的事情而受到懲罰。
媽媽激動(dòng)地說(shuō)：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的.老師好好談一談，對了，你沒(méi)有做過(guò)的那件事是什么?
小女孩回答說(shuō)：我的家庭作業(yè)。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 3
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"
一位耳聾并且總是嫌東西太貴的老太太走進(jìn)一家商店。 她問(wèn)店員：“這東西要多少錢(qián)？”
"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."
“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的�！� 老太太說(shuō)：“太貴了，十四美元差不多�！� 店員忙說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)說(shuō)十七美元，是七美元�！�
"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."
“還是太貴，”老太太說(shuō)：“五美元，我就買(mǎi)啦�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 4
A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that weve been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"
婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一個(gè)特別事情上需要委婉的`提醒。在我們結婚35周年紀念的早上，我們正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“親愛(ài)的，你意識到我們在這兩個(gè)相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了嗎?”
他放下報紙，眼睛直直地望著(zhù)我：“因此，你想交換座位嗎?”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 5
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what"s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that"s their telly," replied the tot.
圣誕節時(shí)孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫(huà)一張耶穌誕生像。最后這件藝術(shù)品被陳列出來(lái)供父母鑒賞。
他們對耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。
“可是那個(gè)角落里是什么?”媽媽問(wèn)。
“噢，那是他們的電視機，”孩子回答說(shuō)。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 6
Boy, Oh Boy 讓人無(wú)奈的孩子
When theyre together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."
As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "Cmon, Steven, lets get dirty . "
我五歲的兒子和他的'表弟在一起的時(shí)候，總要招來(lái)大亂。一個(gè)星期六，我開(kāi)始抗議了�！昂美�，你們兩個(gè)，”我嚴厲地說(shuō)，“不許叫喊，不許亂拿，不許哭鬧，不許亂敲，不許取笑，不許扯淡，不許弄壞玩具，不許亂抓，不許打架�！� 我剛轉身要走，就聽(tīng)我兒子說(shuō)：“來(lái)，斯蒂文，我們來(lái)把自己弄臟吧�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 7
How Did You Ever Get Here
你是怎樣來(lái)的?
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
一個(gè)冬天的`早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才起來(lái)上班�！巴饷嫣�，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步�！�
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
老板狐疑地看著(zhù)他�！班�，是嗎?那你是怎樣到這里來(lái)的?”
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
“后來(lái)我決定放棄，”他說(shuō)，“然后我就往家里走�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 8
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
兩個(gè)獵人在森林里打獵，突然一人暈倒了。他的.呼吸停止，眼神呆滯。另外一個(gè)人掏出手機，撥打911。
“我想我的朋友死了！”他喊道，“我該怎么辦？”
接線(xiàn)員說(shuō)：“請冷靜。首先，請確認他是否真的死了�！苯又�(zhù)一陣沉寂，然后是一聲槍響�；氐诫娫�(huà)中，獵人接著(zhù)說(shuō)：“好了，然后呢？”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 9
Black eyes
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 10
The Flying Nun
A Highway Trooper is surprised to find a nun behind the wheel of the car he has pulled over. "Im terribly sorry maam but its not safe to do 35 mph on the interstate."
"But all the signs said 35," she replied.
"Those are route signs, maam. This is route 35". At this point he looks in the back seat to see two more nuns, mouths ajar, eyes wide open, in an obvious state of shock.
"Whats the matter?" he asks.
"Oh, we just pulled off of route 99."
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà) 11
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子們在天主教學(xué)校的自助食堂中排隊打午飯。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的'前端有一大堆蘋(píng)果。修女寫(xiě)了一張字條，把它貼在了蘋(píng)果盤(pán)上：“只能拿一個(gè)，上帝在看著(zhù)�！�
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
繼續排著(zhù)隊向前走，在桌子的盡頭有一大堆巧克力脆餅。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一個(gè)孩子寫(xiě)了張字條：“隨便拿，上帝在看著(zhù)蘋(píng)果�！�
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