托福滿(mǎn)分作文模板
人無(wú)完人，一篇有明顯缺點(diǎn)，還能拿到高分的作文，才是真實(shí)的考場(chǎng)范文。范文多得是，一要會(huì )挑選，二要知道模仿什么，下面yjbys網(wǎng)小編為大家選出的高分范文，逐句撰寫(xiě)模仿指南，希望你看了以后和我們的學(xué)員一樣，茅塞頓開(kāi)，事半功倍。
Why do youthink it is that people's lives are longer now?
老規矩，原句在前，解析在后，用方括號標出
A greaternumber of people are now hitting【用詞準確】
theeighty-year mark than ten years ago. 【經(jīng)典的主謂賓句型，永遠是最有力量的，用一句話(huà)說(shuō)清楚一件事情，需要的話(huà)，后面句子跟上繼續推進(jìn)，用句群實(shí)現更大的效果】
In fact, the life expectancy of the average human has gone up【用詞準確，善于變換】
considerably, and is rising still.【前一句話(huà)講一些現象，這一句話(huà)對現象進(jìn)行g(shù)eneralize同時(shí)明確指出發(fā)展趨勢，兩句話(huà)把people's lives are longer now這件事情徹底寫(xiě)清楚了】
This phenomenon【注意這個(gè)詞的單復數形式】
is the result of several reasons. 【要敢用常見(jiàn)短句。長(cháng)短句交錯，復雜句和簡(jiǎn)單句交錯，是為讀者考慮，如同文學(xué)評論中說(shuō)的，要為你的讀者準備可以坐下來(lái)休息的凳子，這樣的短句，就是休息的凳子】
For one, continuing【動(dòng)詞ing形式做形容詞使用可以表現出生動(dòng)的動(dòng)態(tài)效果】
scientific and medical innovation ensure【高頻動(dòng)詞，記住幾個(gè)變換形式guarantee, makes sure, promise, assure】
that more peoplereceive the treatment they require.【分觀(guān)點(diǎn)句，句中構建新的因果關(guān)系：科技醫療發(fā)展-->人們得到治療】
As our knowledge grows regarding various diseases, we become betterequipped to tackle them. 【解釋上句話(huà)的因果關(guān)系為何成立】
Consequently, we have managed to eradicate some diseases on a globalscale, while controlling the other diseases, so that the rate of mortality doesnot reach an alarming height during the outbreak of a disease. 【順勢利導，具體闡明觀(guān)點(diǎn)句中的因果關(guān)系帶來(lái)的全面效果】
The plagues of yore, as well as the more recent plague outbreaks arebecoming few and far in between. 【few and far in between這種押的高級寫(xiě)法大家就別模仿了，段數太高，寫(xiě)成less frequent也很好了。這句話(huà)才是我們所謂的“舉例說(shuō)明”。前面論證做的好，例子真的只需要一句話(huà)就好了!】
Such control of diseases means that the general life expectancy hasgone up.【最后這句話(huà)極為關(guān)鍵!將分觀(guān)點(diǎn)句和全文主題的因果關(guān)系打通，不可或缺】
Diseasessuch as cancer, which used to result almost inevitably in death, are nowcurable, provided they are diagnosed at a certain stage. Diseases such astuberculosis and cholera now cause fewer deaths than they used to only a fewdecades ago. 【滿(mǎn)分作文作者也有不淡定的時(shí)候，寫(xiě)著(zhù)寫(xiě)著(zhù)覺(jué)得又想到兩個(gè)很好的例子，不寫(xiě)浪費了，補刀補在半山腰，無(wú)比的畫(huà)蛇添足。這兩句話(huà)明明應該加在上一段的結尾句之前，或者不要更好】
Anotherreason for the greater life expectancy is the general betterment of the qualityof life. 【論點(diǎn)句永遠不帶玩花的，一句話(huà)建立因果關(guān)系：生活質(zhì)量提高-->壽命變長(cháng)】
What we call the ‘global village’ is fast becoming a city.【作者說(shuō)是，就一定是!】
And in this city, more and more people are being provided a better level ofhygiene than ever before. 【生活質(zhì)量提高的第一個(gè)方面--衛生】
A better and improving system of communication ensures that thelatest medical discoveries in the United States and Europe are known all overthe world in a space of a few days. 【第二個(gè)方面，communication，并且由communication導致醫療進(jìn)展擴張很快。這是全文罕見(jiàn)的長(cháng)句了，但結構依然很清晰】
Therefore, more and more people have access to better health care. 【將communication的進(jìn)展導致的醫療進(jìn)展擴張快往人們的生活質(zhì)量上拉--更好的醫療服務(wù)】
Even people living in relatively remote areas have access【用詞準確】 tosome kind of medical facilities. Though these facilities may be incapable ofhandling a crisis, they may help prevent death in cases that requireantibiotics and antivenin, thereby preventing death by infection or poison.【第二個(gè)長(cháng)句，句內讓步和對仗(antibiotics and anti venin 對應by infection orpoison)都很完美，模仿有難度，謹慎模仿】【補刀，落后地區醫療服務(wù)也有進(jìn)步，封堵自己的論證可能出現的漏洞】
Theincrease in awareness also means that people in general are becoming more awareof the risks of various diseases. 【第三個(gè)分論點(diǎn)出爐，awareness，也是個(gè)邊寫(xiě)邊想的作者】
Forinstance, more people now, than two decades ago, are aware of the scourge ofcholesterol and the havoc it wreaks on an individual’s circulatory system.Similarly people are becoming aware that prevention is, after all, better thancure and are taking the appropriate steps to prevent infection from diseases. 【作者犯懶，并且醫學(xué)知識和詞匯也太豐富，開(kāi)始直接舉例了，在第三個(gè)分論點(diǎn)段，這種lapse是絕對可以理解可以容忍的】
Ingeneral, though, the increased life expectancy owes much to the revolution incommunication. 【邊寫(xiě)邊想的作者寫(xiě)到這里發(fā)現，自己前面的幾個(gè)論點(diǎn)都指向communication, 既然還有時(shí)間，再升華一下吧!又一處畫(huà)蛇添足的敗筆。從這里往后全部都不寫(xiě)，也不影響這篇作文高分】
It may be mentioned that even two hundred years ago, inventions anddiscoveries were being made. However, they did few people any good. It simplytook too long to disseminate the information. The general level of awarenessregarding health was also low. 【開(kāi)始過(guò)去和現在的比較，在communication對人們生活的影響方面。注意短句的使用，讀者可以喘口氣】
However, it has been noticed that since the inception【高級詞匯】
ofcommunication through first print, and then radio and television, the level ofawareness regarding health has generally risen. 【再次強化communication具體進(jìn)步和健康意識之間的關(guān)系】
To illustrate, print facilitated the spread of knowledge throughbooks. Radio helped bring that knowledge to many people. Television helped tofurther this knowledge and disseminate is amongst an even greater number ofpeople. And finally, the Internet has removed the final barriers betweenintercultural and interracial communication. 【舉例，層層疊起，功力深厚，謹慎模仿】
In thecoming years, we may hope to see an even greater increase in life expectancy, evenas communication techniques continue to improve.【估計寫(xiě)到這里作者累死了，拖一筆結尾，邏輯詞都用錯了】
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